Call Me KP

It’s not that I strongly dislike Valentine’s Day.  Or that I even hate it.  I don’t really feel anything about it.  On the one hand, it is a celebration of love.  Well, love and consumerism.  But there’s something to be said for everyone focusing on love for one day.  The same day.  All around the world.  Or at least the country.  It’s sweet.  What’s not to like about that?  Sure, I’m single.  But I’ve got love.  Love in some form or another.

And, really, I don’t know that this one day even makes me more aware or more of being single.  Let’s be honest.  That’s one trait that’s very much present on my mind daily.  I don’t need a calendar or greeting card or love song to remind me of that.  

But as far as relationships go, the truth is, I guess I don’t know what I want.  I only know what I don’t want.  Which is always the way with me.  I know that I don’t want one of those smothering, all consuming, no room to breathe relationships.  I don’t want a big white wedding anytime soon; I’ve got too much planned.  But I wouldn’t mind the company.  I wouldn’t mind having that one person to just be with and next to and, you know, that physical attention wouldn’t be so bad either.  In fact, I welcome it.  It’s basically crucial at this point.  Really.  Crucial.

Maybe that’s part of the problem.  Maybe it’s those feelings and fears about what I think a relationship is or can be that are keeping me from really and truly being open to one.  But that might be a good thing.  I don’t know that I really want one.  I just want someone there.  Something easy and comfortable and familiar and good.  Something fun.  

Alright, I do get a little jealous when I see those great relationships, when two people are just so oddly perfect for each other.  I’d love that.  Eventually.  For right now, I just don’t want that pressure.  I don’t want the fuss or the drama or the nonsense.  No bull.  I don’t want it.

Just, you know, company.  Someone to have fun with.  Is that realistic?  Is that having my cake and making out with it too?  Or something?  Or is that too picky?  Too closed off?  Too bad?  The thing is, I’m overdosing on Hugh Grant movies.  And I think his slurring British charm is weakening my resolve.  Well, that and my grandfather had a date last night while I sat home and snuggled up with a brownie and Love Actually. So there’s that.

Regardless, for today, I’ve got love.  It may not be the romantic type that’s been missing for quite some time.  But I’ve got friends.  I’ve got family.  And chocolate.  Thanks, Dad.

So Happy Valentine’s Day to the six of you reading this.  Hugh and I wish you all the blut’y lahve in the wuld.