Like, you learn all kinds of things about yourself and you meet new kinds of people and you try to understand things apart from the way you were brought up and you’re just trying to make your own decisions and stuff and then sometimes something and maybe even someone can make your reevaluate everything again but while all of this is going on you’ve got, like, stacks of unpaid bills and the student loan people are calling and you really just want to take a nap but your room is frat-boy filthy and you’re pretty sure you’ve got a mold situation somewhere because you can’t breathe through your nose but you’re all “Whatever, it’s fine. Today is a new day where not a single fuck will be given about anything” but you really shouldn’t think like that because you’re nearly twenty-five which is adult-ish or at least adult-adjacent and you still need to bum gas money off of people so maybe you should get your act together but you don’t know where to go first so you get in your near gas-less car and head to Starbucks which really isn’t even the coffee you want but the Dunkin’ Donuts coffee girl nows you by heart plus you feel smarter with Starbucks because, for whatever reason, it makes you feel like you’d have no problem listening to NPR on a Saturday morning inside your cozy apartment while a steady rain falls outside even though you’d really rather be Facebooking and catching up on Jersey Shore but no one can’t tell you’re faking your snobbery because you’ve got your Starbucks and your reduced fat coffeecake which seems like a good idea because of the whole reduced thing but really it’s just less awful than eating the whole cake which you could do because your life may or may not be in shambles?

Okay. I have a good job with a great boss and I have some really great friends, both near and far, and I’m living rent- free (which doesn’t mean judgment- free, just to clarify) and I’m grateful for all of that. But I feel like to get the things I’ve never had before and have always wanted, I have to do things I’ve never done. And lately– yeah– lately, I’ve been doing just that. Jury’s still out on this whole KP vs The World: Grab The Bull’s Balls attitude I’ve got going here. But, look! It’s making me write here again. Albeit a bit cryptic and mostly spastic. But if you thought about coming back to read this update, then you knew what you could be walking into. So joke’s on you there, pal.

I think there’s a lot of freedom to be had and the ways I’m going about taking advantage of it are all new and wonderful and I like it but it scares me a little too. But it’s a good scared. It’s a “No Regrets” scared. It’s a “Yeah, I Said It. Now What?” scared.

Look, I don’t know what that means. Could you pass the half and half?

• Write more.
• Write more.
• Tweet less.
• Stop fucking around on Facebook.
• Write more.
• Cheat!

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To add to resume: Proficient in search engine optimization.

Big titties.

Miss you, BBs.

But other times, they just floor me. Especially the little old couples. Married for longer than some rocks I know have ever even existed and they’re still going strong. I love The Caretaker approach. It’s mostly the wife who drags her husband along behind her, carrying all of his personal items and money in her purse because he’ll just lose it and then they won’t be able to get their brunch and what if they lose each other there because they could miss their bus and their ungrateful children certainly won’t come to pick them up. It makes me wonder about the history of their relationship dynamic. Was she always in charge? (Probably.) But when did he become her whole responsibility? Was that gradual? Sudden? Does he mind? Is it love or necessity? What do they even talk about anymore? Sandwiches? How he needs new socks? Do they still snuggle?

Then there are The Comfortable Ones who are just so used to each other, so in tune with each other, that they don’t even have to try. They’re just there with each other. Always. Sometimes it seems like they’re tired. Of life, each other, of consistency. Like they’re going through the motions because that’s all they’ve known for fifty years and why quit now? And sometimes they’re just the best of friends. They still tease each other and call each other “honey.” Still steal smooches and laughs and it’s adorable.

But my favorite kinds of lil’ ol’ lovahs are The Lost Ones. Neither of them have any clue. And they have names like Danny and Rose and you can just tell that at one point, around Homecoming at Jefferson High School, 1947, they were the coolest kids around. Everyone looked up to the football stud and the prom queen. And they did what they were supposed to do and got married and had a family and served their country and hosted parties at Christmas and took care of their parents and their friends and now they’re slowly beginning to fade; their minds are not as quick as they used to be. But they’re there together.

Man: Where’s the casino?

KP: Right here, friend! You’re in the casino!

Woman: No, the machines. Where are those?

Man: Yeah, we want slots.

KP: Just down that hallway! Have fun!

Woman: What hallway?

Man: That one?

KP: Yep! That one right there. Just follow it all the way out to the floor and you’ll see all of the fun slot machines!

Woman: Right or left?

Man: Yeah!

KP: I’m sorry, what was that?

Woman: Do we go right or left in the hallway?

KP: Just right straight down the hallway. You can’t miss them!

Man: But where’s all my money?

KP: Right our your card, sir!

Man: How?

Woman: Yeah, why did you give us these?

KP: Those cards have your free play on them. You put those in the machines and play the $25 dollars I put on there.

Man: How?

Woman: How?

KP: Just pick your favorite machine. Put your card in. Select ‘Bonus Available’ and enter your pin number. Then you can play as much or as little of the free play as you’d like!

Man: Huh? Oh! Oh.

Woman: Now, which way is the casino?

Man: How?

Look, I just want someone to grow old and weird with. That’s all. I don’t need anything fancy, anything glamorous. Just someone to wander through the mysteries of life with, someone to somehow get lost with in a big building laid out in a big circle, someone to help me figure out the answers to the most obvious of questions.

Just stumble with me.