I’m a twenty-four year old recovering English major with a nasty habit for dropping obscure, not-so-pop culture references. Post- graduation reality sent me packing right back to Ma & Pa’s doorstep and thus far it has been the source of more stress for my life than there exists vodka worldwide to cure it. I blog because it’s a better means to relieve frustration than dropkicking a newborn peep; a sick reaction to the lunacy of my parents and one I’m only half-kidding about. I have the most ridiculously wonderful friends (that money can buy) and I wouldn’t trade them for all the leather boots in Italy. Because they probably don’t make my size in those pretty tan ones anyway. More than anything, I want to entertain people and make a profitable living doing so. This does, for the time being, exclude anything of the lewd or naked nature. Asking me to pick a favorite movie or song is not only impossible for me to answer, but it’s downright cruel. Let me list at least ten. I drink like I’m single and dance like I’m trying to stay that way. I can probably kick your ass in SNL trivia. My dream man will be able to bar-b-q and share my affinity for awful reality television and all- things- Red Sox. If I had guts, I’d tattoo Beckett’s face on my left booty cheek because your dad’s name is already on the right. Zing. I’m two years removed from the Glory Days of my Jesuit higher education at the University of Scranton and would give anything just to go back and live it all over the same way again. But I think urge is more driven by Pietro’s turkey subs than, you know, friends and stuff. At least I’m honest.
Please keep reading and tell your friends to tell their friends to tell their friends to suck it and to then come and read my brilliant, stunning shit.
And please direct all marriage proposals,
autographs, job- offers, and book deals to:
hello.i.am.kp@gmail.com
Or stalk my every waking move on Twitter:
twitter.com/callmekp
Or keep up with all of my internet cravings:
callmekp.tumblr.com
